Let’s be honest: public speaking or striking up conversations can feel daunting, even paralysing. If you’ve ever felt your heart race as you prepared to speak or your mind freeze as you looked for the “right words,” you’re not alone. But here’s the twist—it’s not actually the speaking or the conversation that scares you.The real fear runs deeper, rooted in ancient instincts that no longer serve us. Let’s unpack this fear and, more importantly, explore how to overcome it, so you can connect confidently in any situation.<h1 id="f92ce173-c725-4ee9-9c92-3e7ef2d45727" data-toc-id="f92ce173-c725-4ee9-9c92-3e7ef2d45727">The Real Reason We Fear Speaking and Conversations</h1>What’s really at the heart of this fear? It’s not the act of speaking or conversing—it’s the fear of what might happen when you do.<ul><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">What if I say the wrong thing?</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">What if I freeze up?</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">What if I come across as awkward or unworthy of attention?</li></ul>These thoughts boil down to a fear of judgment or rejection. And this fear isn’t unique to modern life. It’s rooted in our survival instincts.Back when humans lived in tribes, being accepted meant safety. Standing out, being judged, or rejected could be life-threatening. Today, our brains still cling to this outdated wiring, treating conversations or presentations like a threat to our survival.But here’s the good news: this fear is completely out of sync with modern life. Conversations and public speaking aren’t about survival anymore—they’re about connection, growth, and opportunity.<div class="iframe-wrapper"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/B1Z3xcb_jNg?si=sIQawDWU4LrPoQkF" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="true"></iframe></div><h1 id="f57cf7d9-8e5d-45d6-942a-2809be21f482" data-toc-id="f57cf7d9-8e5d-45d6-942a-2809be21f482">My Own Journey with Speaking Fear</h1>Years ago, as a mentalist performing on cruise ships, I felt this fear deeply. Before every show, I’d pace backstage, heart racing, palms sweating, imagining every way I could mess up.<ul><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">What if I forget my words?</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">What if someone heckles me?</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">What if I fail in front of 700 people?</li></ul>It wasn’t just on stage—I felt this same fear at networking events, walking into rooms filled with strangers. What changed everything for me was a simple realisation:I was making it all about me.When I shifted my focus to the audience or the person I was speaking to, the pressure lifted. Instead of worrying about looking perfect, I focused on making others feel seen, valued, and entertained.This shift didn’t just shrink my fear—it made speaking and conversations fun, both for me and for the people I was engaging with.<h1 id="2e8f0155-e1fa-4e4f-8764-72c7043cd94a" data-toc-id="2e8f0155-e1fa-4e4f-8764-72c7043cd94a">Practical Tools to Overcome Speaking Fear</h1>If you’re ready to quiet that inner critic and connect confidently, here are some actionable strategies that work:<h3 id="da2b662c-a2a1-41cd-b524-6f3e5f2e6c14" data-toc-id="da2b662c-a2a1-41cd-b524-6f3e5f2e6c14">1. Reframe the “What If” Questions</h3>Fear often comes from asking the wrong “what if” questions.<ul><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">Instead of: “What if I mess up?”</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">Ask: “What if this makes their day?”</li></ul>This simple reframe takes the focus off your insecurities and puts it on creating a positive experience for others.<h3 id="accb4088-1682-46de-87c6-46139478aaad" data-toc-id="accb4088-1682-46de-87c6-46139478aaad">2. Tap into Curiosity</h3>Great conversations aren’t about being the most interesting person in the room—they’re about showing genuine interest in others.Ask open-ended questions that encourage people to share about themselves:<ul><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">“What’s been the highlight of your week?”</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">“What exciting project are you working on?”</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">“What’s the most fascinating place you’ve ever visited?”</li></ul>People love talking about themselves, and these questions make you memorable for the right reasons.<h3 id="f990655c-d32d-4dcf-822f-0ba050799f75" data-toc-id="f990655c-d32d-4dcf-822f-0ba050799f75">3. Breathe Through the Nerves</h3>When you’re nervous, your breathing often becomes shallow and quick without you realising. Focused, calm breathing helps you feel grounded.Here’s a simple technique:<ul><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">Breathe in deeply through your nose for 4 counts.</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">Hold for 4 counts.</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">Exhale slowly through your mouth for 6 counts. Repeat this until you feel calmer.</li></ul><h3 id="59f637ad-3c29-4a3f-bc17-15366a80fc07" data-toc-id="59f637ad-3c29-4a3f-bc17-15366a80fc07">4. Be Comfortable with Silence</h3>Conversations don’t need to be a non-stop stream of words. If there’s a pause, embrace it. Smile, maintain eye contact, and give the other person space to contribute. Silence can be a powerful tool for building rapport.<h3 id="a98ec215-2a69-496e-a81a-34309ad494b2" data-toc-id="a98ec215-2a69-496e-a81a-34309ad494b2">5. Visualise Success</h3>Before a big conversation or presentation, take a moment to imagine it going well. Picture the other person smiling and nodding, or imagine the audience clapping at the end. Your brain thrives on positive mental rehearsals.<h3 id="0122e576-5658-4dea-ae2e-2dd5b0290279" data-toc-id="0122e576-5658-4dea-ae2e-2dd5b0290279">6. Start Small, Build Big</h3>If larger conversations feel overwhelming, begin with smaller ones. Say hello to a barista, compliment a colleague, or strike up a short chat at the gym. These small wins help build your confidence for bigger interactions.<h1 id="cefb8273-8445-4513-97d8-ace3a4c4a727" data-toc-id="cefb8273-8445-4513-97d8-ace3a4c4a727">The Fear in Your Head Isn’t Real</h1>Here’s a liberating truth: the fear you feel isn’t about the conversation or the presentation—it’s about a picture you’ve created in your head.This picture is made up of guesses, assumptions, and past experiences. But it’s not real. Most people aren’t judging you. In fact, they’re often too busy worrying about themselves—what they’re going to say next, how they’re being perceived, or even what they’ll have for dinner.Mark Twain said it best: “You’ll stop worrying about what people think of you when you realise how seldom they do.”<h1 id="d168c4bb-9a90-4c30-ac37-9154bb608a01" data-toc-id="d168c4bb-9a90-4c30-ac37-9154bb608a01">Unlock the Confident Communicator Within</h1>Your fear of speaking isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign that you care. You care about making a good impression and creating meaningful connections. That care is what makes you human.The good news? Confidence isn’t something you have to “get”—it’s already within you. All you need are the right tools to bring it out.<h1 id="cf0259db-187b-4886-bc73-3162a12cc3fc" data-toc-id="cf0259db-187b-4886-bc73-3162a12cc3fc">Ready to Break the Ice?</h1>Struggling to start conversations? Unlock the secret to confidently connecting with anyone!Download my FREE 15-minute training and discover the Break the Ice 3-step formula. This practical, easy-to-use method will show you how to start conversations effortlessly—whether at work, social events, or even with strangers.Ready to move past the fear and create meaningful connections? <a target="_blank" href="https://bit.ly/4dTZZaz">Click here for instant access.</a><h1 id="ccac98c9-288a-4918-9cf9-a63a12b23a97" data-toc-id="ccac98c9-288a-4918-9cf9-a63a12b23a97">Let’s Stay Connected</h1>If you found this article helpful, let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me on my other platforms for more tips and insights:<ul><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">Instagram:<a target="_blank" href="https://www.instagram.com/anthonylayespeaks"> @anthonylayespeaks</a></li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">YouTube:<a target="_blank" href="https://www.youtube.com/@anthonylaye"> @anthonylaye</a></li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81)">Website:<a target="_blank" href="https://www.anthonylaye.com"> </a><a target="_blank" href="http://anthonylaye.com">anthonylaye.com</a></li></ul>For businesses looking to improve team communication skills or event organisers in need of an engaging speaker or MC, I’m here to help. With years of experience as a keynote speaker, behaviour expert, and coach, I specialise in helping people become confident, charismatic, and high-impact communicators. Let’s discuss how I can help you or your team.Reach out today, and let’s make every conversation count.

Your fear of speaking isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign that you care. You care about making a good impression and creating meaningful connections.

It’s Not a Fear of Speaking – It’s Something Bigger

The Real Reason We Fear Speaking and Conversations

Practical Tools to Overcome Speaking Fear

Learn how to grow and scale your online course business using our online course platform. EzyCourse blog is designed to teach you how to create and sell online courses.

It’s Not a Fear of Speaking – It’s Something Bigger

It’s Not a Fear of Speaking – It’s Something Bigger

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