Let’s be honest for a second.You’ve done the work. You’ve read the books, attended the workshops, even downloaded the mindfulness apps.But then someone, usually that one person who knows how to wind you up, drops a passive-aggressive comment in a meeting or dismisses your idea with a smirk… and before you know it, your composure vanishes.Your pulse quickens. Your jaw tightens. You’re already halfway into a mental argument with them and they haven’t even finished speaking.Sound familiar?You’re not alone and more importantly, you’re not broken.The truth is, anger isn’t the issue, being triggered isn’t the issue. Reacting to those triggers without awareness… that’s where the damage is done.So if you’re ready to stop being angry (even when people push your buttons), keep reading because this might just change everything.<h1 id="53f4aa8a-b476-4053-af13-d2735b2fabba" data-toc-id="53f4aa8a-b476-4053-af13-d2735b2fabba">Why Does Anger Still Show Up… Even After You’ve Done the Work?</h1>I recently had a coaching session with a brilliant client. They’d made massive progress, more self-aware, less reactive, and genuinely showing up differently.But one thing kept pulling them back.Even with all this growth, there were still people in their world (colleagues, clients, even family) who hadn’t changed their behaviour. They were still playing the same games, still saying the same things.And it triggered the same emotional spiral.This led to the age-old question:“Why am I still getting angry when I know better?”Here’s the honest answer: because you’re human, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to respond differently.<div data-youtube-video=""><iframe width="640" height="480" allowfullscreen="true" autoplay="false" disablekbcontrols="false" enableiframeapi="false" endtime="0" ivloadpolicy="0" loop="false" modestbranding="false" origin="" playlist="" progressbarcolor="white" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/iEyDISSMp9U" start="0"></iframe></div><h1 id="46829e56-13b3-41da-8311-92ed2046ff75" data-toc-id="46829e56-13b3-41da-8311-92ed2046ff75">The Belief That Trips Most People Up</h1>Deep down, most of us carry a hidden expectation: “If I change, they’ll change.”We start showing up with more compassion, more clarity, more patience and we hope (consciously or not) that the people around us will mirror that.But when they don’t? We feel unseen, disrespected, and - ironically - angry.<h1 id="047ac349-154a-4efe-9c09-b2943dca74d7" data-toc-id="047ac349-154a-4efe-9c09-b2943dca74d7">You Can’t Control Other People, But You Can Control This</h1>One of the most powerful mindset shifts you’ll ever make is this:You can't control how other people see you. But you can control how you respond to how they see you.This is emotional leadership.It’s not about pretending you’re okay with poor behaviour. It’s about not letting that behaviour dictate your emotional state.The goal here isn’t to become emotionless. The goal is to become unshakable.<h1 id="2bb2cc8a-353d-4162-87ba-efe02463078b" data-toc-id="2bb2cc8a-353d-4162-87ba-efe02463078b">What It Means to Be “Unshakable”</h1>Being unshakable doesn’t mean you never feel things.It means you no longer let those feelings run the show.When someone tries to press your buttons, they realise something powerful: Your buttons don’t work the same anymore.You stop reacting, you start responding. You don’t rise to the bait… you rise above it.So how do you do that?Here’s the simple two-step process I share with my clients and inside my confidence coaching program.<h2 id="ade94344-a9e6-49b0-9ccc-08f574445e83" data-toc-id="ade94344-a9e6-49b0-9ccc-08f574445e83">Step 1: Name the Feeling</h2>When frustration starts to rise, most people do one of two things:<ol><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81);">They try to shove it down and pretend it’s not there.</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81);">They let it explode in a way that usually doesn’t serve them.</li></ol>Here’s a third, better option: name it.<ul><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81);">“There’s that familiar tension in my chest.”</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81);">“That’s the old anger flaring up.”</li><li style="color: rgb(55, 65, 81);">“There’s my need to be understood again.”</li></ul>By naming the emotion, you create just enough space to pause and choose your next move, rather than being swept away by a knee-jerk reaction.This isn't some fluffy feel-good practice. This is tactical emotional awareness.And it works.Because what you resist? It tends to persist. But what you allow in? That’s when it starts to dissolve.<h2 id="cb6989fc-14cd-4ad5-a0a9-f0a099f29e99" data-toc-id="cb6989fc-14cd-4ad5-a0a9-f0a099f29e99">Step 2: Hold the Frame</h2>Picture this: You’re in a room and someone starts getting heated. You can feel their energy trying to pull you in.In that moment, you have a choice.You can let your internal thermostat spike - get hot, flustered, defensive…Or, you can hold the frame.That means you become the emotional thermostat in the room. You regulate your temperature, not theirs.Too cold? You shut down. Too hot? You boil over.But when you stay in that room temperature zone (calm, clear, grounded) you lead the energy of the room.You stop playing their game and you stay in control of your narrative.<h2 id="92b93ce1-85a1-4841-905a-0b7dce16ae39" data-toc-id="92b93ce1-85a1-4841-905a-0b7dce16ae39">This Isn’t About Bottling It Up</h2>Let’s be clear, this isn’t about gaslighting yourself. It’s not about pretending everything’s fine when it isn’t.It’s about owning your internal state so you can have better conversations, make clearer decisions and keep your power when things get uncomfortable.Because when you’re no longer at war with yourself, other people’s drama loses its grip.<h2 id="8e2f975f-142e-4899-bd60-1d266fe1598f" data-toc-id="8e2f975f-142e-4899-bd60-1d266fe1598f">A Real-Life Metaphor: Cold Air and Tension</h2>One of my clients described this beautifully during a session.He said:“It’s like standing in the cold. The moment you tense up, the cold feels worse. But if you just breathe, accept that it’s cold, and stop resisting it… the tension disappears. The cold doesn’t hurt as much.”That’s the power of presence.When you accept what is without letting it hijack you, you start making better choices, not just emotional reactions.You’re no longer trying to win the moment. You’re leading it.<h2 id="db979b0e-618a-4c4f-89e4-daa5542bfeb6" data-toc-id="db979b0e-618a-4c4f-89e4-daa5542bfeb6">The Ripple Effect of Emotional Mastery</h2>When you stop giving away your emotional control to every person who frustrates you…💥 Your conversations shift 💥 Your confidence grows 💥 Your presence becomes magneticYou’re no longer walking into a room hoping to be respected, you expect it.Not because you’re entitled, but because you’re showing up with calm certainty and a quiet authority that people feel the moment you speak.<h2 id="141ce63d-d313-4002-816b-95423fdd9db3" data-toc-id="141ce63d-d313-4002-816b-95423fdd9db3">FREE RESOURCE: Pinpoint Your Confidence Gaps in Under 5 Minutes</h2>Let’s be real, confidence isn’t a “yes or no” kind of thing. It’s nuanced.You might feel solid in some areas (like delivering a presentation), but struggle in others (like holding boundaries with a difficult client).And that’s okay, as long as you know where the gaps are.I’ve created a quick (and totally free) Confidence Rating Worksheet designed to help you:✅ Get clear on where your confidence is already rock solid ✅ Spot the subtle areas where self-doubt is creeping in ✅ Know exactly where to focus next to feel more grounded, more composed, and more youIt takes less than 5 minutes, and the clarity it brings? Genuinely game-changing.👉 Click here to download your Confidence Rating Worksheet now<h2 id="1694ed20-e54e-4659-9780-ffe7197008ae" data-toc-id="1694ed20-e54e-4659-9780-ffe7197008ae">Final Word: You’ve Got More Control Than You Think</h2>Anger isn’t the enemy. Being triggered isn’t a sign you’ve failed. It’s just a signal, a nudge to check back in and choose how you want to respond.With practice, you can become someone who doesn’t just manage their emotions… You master them.And when that happens?You stop getting dragged into other people’s chaos. You stop trying to prove or defend yourself. You start showing up as the leader you were always meant to be.<h2 id="62ebcb87-da8f-4ee5-abf3-91acf8060728" data-toc-id="62ebcb87-da8f-4ee5-abf3-91acf8060728">Want More Like This?</h2>If this article resonated, I’d love for you to connect with me:🔹 Instagram:<a target="_blank" href="https://instagram.com/anthonylayespeaks"> @anthonylayespeaks </a>🔹 YouTube:<a target="_blank" href="https://youtube.com/@anthonylaye"> @anthonylaye </a>🔹 Website:<a target="_blank" href="https://www.anthonylaye.com"> </a><a target="_blank" href="http://www.anthonylaye.com">www.anthonylaye.com</a><h3 id="d9d0aa48-6bd8-40e0-85a4-aa6031c67fee" data-toc-id="d9d0aa48-6bd8-40e0-85a4-aa6031c67fee">For Bookings and Coaching</h3>If you’re a business looking to enhance your team’s communication and performance through impactful training, or an event organiser seeking a keynote speaker who mixes real talk with real strategy, let’s have a chat.As a speaker and executive coach, I help professionals, leaders, and coaches build unshakable confidence, sharpen their communication skills, and step into a life that’s less ordinary.I also run a mastermind program for those ready to do the deeper work, to show up, speak up, and lead with quiet authority.📩 Head <a target="_blank" href="http://towww.anthonylaye.com">towww.anthonylaye.com</a> to learn more or get in touch.

The truth is, anger isn’t the issue, being triggered isn’t the issue. Reacting to those triggers without awareness… that’s where the damage is done.

How to Stop Being Angry (Even When People Push Your Buttons)

Why Does Anger Still Show Up… Even After You’ve Done the Work?

You Can’t Control Other People, But You Can Control This

A Real-Life Metaphor: Cold Air and Tension

FREE RESOURCE: Pinpoint Your Confidence Gaps in Under 5 Minutes

Final Word: You’ve Got More Control Than You Think

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How to Stop Being Angry (Even When People Push Your Buttons)

How to Stop Being Angry (Even When People Push Your Buttons)

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